Talking To Kids About Cancer

When a parent or grandparent or close relative, friend or neighbor or even a sibling is diagnosed with cancer, the time comes to decide about revealing the news. Some adults worry about talking to kids about a cancer diagnosis and wonder if and how to do so. Here are some helpful ideas for those of you trying to decide:

Can kids handle the truth about cancer?
Nothing is easy about cancer. It's not easy for grown ups and it's not easy for kids. The decision to talk about a cancer diagnosis with your kids is yours. You should not be judged for your decision. Only you know your family and what is best for you. Following are some considerations to make in your decision:

• Sometimes the truth is impossible to avoid. Many cancer patients will change physically while undergoing treatments. Parents with small children may need to hire babysitters or let their kids stay with friends or relatives while they undergo treatments. Telling the kids might just not be an option.
• Interestingly, kids really do see and hear more than most adults realize. They might just sense that something is going on and have a lot of questions they are afraid to ask because they have been kept in the dark. If they begin to show signs of fear, it might be a good idea to tell them that something is happening.
• Kids can be a part of the fight against your disease. They will feel much safer and confident if they can be included in the cancer diagnosis. Let them do things like fetch you a warm blanket or help shave your head. Make this a family bonding experience, a time for you all to join forces against a terrible disease.
• If you are open and honest, kids will tend to ask questions. They have these questions whether they feel comfortable asking or not. If they feel like you'll be honest, they will ask. So, it's important to be honest even if they ask the hard questions. If a child asks about death, it's best to say you don't know if you'll die, but then remind the child that many new and wonderful therapies have been developed to help get rid of your cancer.
• Sometimes, depending on the age of the child, it's important to find someone other than yourself for the kids to talk to. A school counselor or clergy member or a trusted friend are good options.
• When talking to your kids about cancer, they might want to know what cancer is. There are many great resources available to help explain cancer to children. Be sure to ask your doctor or hospital staff to help guide you to the right place.

A few years ago, I partnered with The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, MD Anderson Cancer Center and Dr. Fredrick Hagemeister to create a Children's Cancer Program. Children ages 4-12 attended the program which was held on four different occasions. A 40-minute video of one of those programs can be viewed HERE.